If you’ve been working hard at recovery and you still feel stuck, I want you to consider something.
It might not be that you’re not trying hard enough. It might be that you’re making a few very understandable mistakes that keep the OCD cycle alive. And the frustrating part is those mistakes often feel like the good kind of work you should be doing. They look like effort. They look like responsibility. But the function underneath is still the same: trying to get rid of discomfort in the short term.
OCD isn’t beaten by perfect thoughts. It’s beaten by learning a new response. You can have intrusive thoughts. You can have anxiety. You can have doubt. And still live your life. That’s the whole point.
So let’s go through five mistakes I see all the time. As you read these, I want you to be honest with yourself — not judgemental — because this is about progress, not perfection.
1) Treating anxiety like a problem you must solve before you can live
This is one of the most common traps.
A thought shows up. The feeling hits your body. You tense up. And immediately you go into fixing mode. You start trying to calm yourself down, work it out, find the right answer, make the feeling finally go away.
It makes sense — anxiety is uncomfortable. But this is exactly where OCD gets you stuck. OCD convinces you that relief is the goal. That you need to feel different before you can move forward.
Recovery is the opposite.
Recovery is learning that you can feel anxiety and still choose your next step. You can carry discomfort and still function. And the more you practise that, the more your nervous system learns: this isn’t an emergency.
If you find yourself trying to solve the feeling, that’s not a personal failure. It’s just the place to practise a different response.
When I was really struggling with OCD, I was constantly trying to fix myself. I genuinely believed I was broken — that there was a “before and after” moment and now I had to problem-solve my way back to normal. I was reading books, searching for answers, asking people what they thought, trying to find the one explanation that would finally fix me.
And what I later realised was this: all of that “fixing” was actually compulsions. The very things I was doing to try to get free were keeping the cycle alive. When I learned to let go of that and saw I wasn’t broken — I’d just built some unfortunate habits — it was incredibly liberating. That was the beginning of real change.
2) Turning recovery into another certainty project
OCD loves this one because it disguises itself as “doing recovery properly.”
It turns healing into a new obsession:
Am I doing it right?
Is this working?
How long until I feel normal again?
What if I’m using the wrong technique?
You can end up monitoring yourself all day long — checking progress, checking anxiety levels, checking whether you’re thinking about OCD less. And the irony is the more you monitor recovery, the more attention you give to OCD. You’re still chasing certainty. Still trying to reach a perfect internal state.
Recovery isn’t a pass/fail test. It’s a direction.
A helpful way to think about this is direction over destination. Imagine a compass point — North — where your values are. The people you care about. The life you want. You keep walking in that direction even when fear is present, even when obstacles show up, even when anxiety tries to pull you off course.
And the key is: you never “arrive” at North. It’s always over the next hill. That’s what values are like — they give you purpose and meaning, not a finish line.
OCD is the part that wants a finish line. It says, “Just get this answer, this certainty, this reassurance… and then you’ll be okay.” But that’s the lie. The real stance is continuing toward your values even with anxiety present — and over time that’s when OCD starts taking more of a back seat.
3) Doing exposures while keeping safety behaviours attached
This is really common.
People do the exposure on the surface, but underneath they’re still trying to control the outcome. They’re checking how they feel during it. Trying to do it perfectly. Reassuring themselves while they do it. Avoiding certain triggers “just in case.”
And then the brain never learns the lesson that matters: I can handle uncertainty.
Safety behaviours keep telling the brain there really is danger — and you escaped it. So exposures aren’t just about facing the trigger. They’re about dropping the rituals and allowing discomfort to be there without fixing it. That’s what rewires things.
It’s not glamorous. It’s not quick. But it’s effective.
So the question isn’t, “Did I do exposure?” The question is, “Did I stop feeding the safety behaviour?”
If you struggle with checking (for example, checking the front door), exposure might look like deciding you’ll check once — maybe twice max — and then you leave. Any more than that and you’re just doing compulsions. But if you check once and then practise tolerating the uncertainty, you’re strengthening the most important skill in OCD recovery: allowing discomfort.
And watch out for “creative reassurance.” For example: bringing someone with you so you can ask them later if it was locked. That’s just reassurance in disguise.
4) Arguing with OCD and trying to think your way out
This one traps smart people because it feels like problem-solving.
OCD throws out a fear and you respond with logic. You try to prove it wrong. You try to convince yourself. You try to reach a conclusion that makes you feel safe.
But OCD isn’t looking for a reasonable conversation. It’s looking for engagement.
Every time you debate it, you give it more air time. You treat it like it deserves an answer. And OCD is very good at moving the goalposts — just when you think you’ve reached a valid conclusion, it offers a new angle. A new “what if.” A new doubt.
So the move isn’t better debating. It’s stepping back, allowing the discomfort, and redirecting your attention to something more important and meaningful.
Responses like these are often more helpful than debate:
“Yes, maybe… maybe not.”
“I’m allowed to not know.”
“I’m not solving this right now.”
5) Avoiding life until you feel ready
This is a big one.
OCD convinces you that you need confidence first, certainty first, calm first — and then you’ll do the thing. Then you’ll go out. Then you can focus. Then you can commit.
But that day never comes because OCD keeps raising the bar.
Recovery happens the other way round. You take action first — small value-led action — and confidence grows from that. You practise living while you feel uncomfortable. And that’s where your power is.
OCD can throw thoughts at you all day long, but it cannot take your ability to choose your next step.
So if you’ve been waiting to feel ready, the practice is to choose something small today that moves you toward the life you care about — not because you feel certain, but because you’re done allowing OCD to be the boss.
It might be focusing on a conversation with a friend. Coming back to exercise. Cooking. Cleaning. Anything that brings you back into your body and back into the present — and away from problem-solving.
Final thoughts
If you recognised yourself in any of these mistakes, that’s not bad news. It’s good news.
Because awareness gives you choice — and choice is where freedom starts.
If you’d like support with this, I offer a free discovery call for my 12-week programme to help you break free from OCD. You can find the details on my website: robertjamescoaching.com.
Many thanks,
Robert
Blog disclaimer
This article is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are dealing with OCD, anxiety, or any mental health concerns, please consult a licensed mental health professional for support.
