If you’ve lived with OCD for any length of time, you’ll recognise the “play it safe” voice.
It sounds reasonable. Protective, even.
“Don’t push yourself.”
“Stay comfortable.”
“Don’t do that exposure — you’ll get too anxious.”
“Better to avoid it.”
But here’s the problem: the safer you try to live, the smaller your life can become.
And over time, that shrinking life doesn’t reduce anxiety — it often increases it.
In this post, I want to explain why leaning into discomfort is one of the most important principles in OCD recovery, how it connects to exposure work, and why I’ve personally found practices like cold exposure useful for building resilience (in a safe, sensible way).
OCD doesn’t just create fear — it creates a lifestyle
When I was at my worst, I truly believed the goal was to eliminate anxiety completely.
I told myself:
- “Anxiety is too much.”
- “I can’t handle it.”
- “I’ll be okay once I feel calm all the time.”
So what did I do?
I stayed inside my comfort zone.
I avoided challenges. I did the bare minimum. I tried to control life so nothing could trigger me — because the fear wasn’t only about the obsession, it was also about the feeling that might come with it.
But the irony is this:
When you organise your life around not feeling anxious, you train your brain to treat anxiety like danger.
And when anxiety becomes “danger,” even small things start to feel threatening. Your world shrinks, your confidence drops, and you become more vigilant, more sensitive, more easily thrown off.
That’s not a moral failure — it’s just how the nervous system learns.
The advantage of doing uncomfortable things
There’s a genuine advantage to voluntarily doing hard things.
Not because suffering is noble. Not because you should be tough for the sake of it.
But because discomfort is the training ground for freedom.
If you want change in your life — if you want growth — you have to find a way to lean into discomfort.
That’s the heart of exposure work, too.
Exposure isn’t about “getting rid of fear.” It’s about learning:
- I can have anxiety and still function.
- I can feel the urge to escape and still choose to stay.
- I can tolerate uncertainty without needing to solve it.
And the more you practise this, the more your brain updates its prediction:
“This sensation… this thought… this feeling… isn’t an emergency.”
Why choice matters (a lot)
This part is important.
If someone drags you into exposure kicking and screaming, it’s rarely helpful. It can feel overwhelming, unsafe, or simply like you’re being forced.
But when you choose it — when you decide:
“I’m doing this because OCD has been keeping my life small, and I don’t want that anymore” —
That choice becomes powerful.
Because now you’re not just enduring discomfort.
You’re training agency. You’re reclaiming direction.
Gentle beats extreme: how to start without “throwing yourself in”
A lot of people assume “leaning into discomfort” means going extreme.
It doesn’t.
In my experience, the best approach is gradual:
- Identify what OCD has been shrinking
Where have you been playing small? Avoiding? Holding back? - Choose one small step
Something slightly uncomfortable, but doable. - Repeat it enough to learn from it
You’re not trying to “win” the feeling. You’re trying to teach your brain: I can do this. - Build from there
Bigger steps come naturally when your confidence grows.
This is exposure as a lifestyle principle: you stop waiting to feel perfect before you move.
You move, and you learn you’re stronger than you thought.
My experience: cold exposure and resilience
For me, many years ago, one way I learned this was through cold exposure.
I started learning about the Wim Hof method and practised cold exposure in a safe and responsible way. For example, I wouldn’t stay in an ice bath for more than two minutes, and I made sure I had people around me.
Here’s what cold exposure taught me that transfers directly to OCD recovery:
When you first step into cold water, the body reacts fast.
Anxiety spikes. Panic can spike. There’s an urge to escape. Your mind starts shouting:
“What am I doing?”
“This is awful.”
“Get out.”
And in that moment you have a choice.
If you can stay — even briefly — and practise meeting the discomfort rather than fighting it, something shifts. You learn:
- The feeling rises… and it can fall.
- The urge to escape is intense… and it doesn’t control me.
- I can be in discomfort without being harmed by it.
That doesn’t mean cold exposure is for everyone. But the lesson is universal:
When you practise doing hard things voluntarily, you build trust in yourself.
And once you start proving to yourself that you can do what you once believed you couldn’t, you begin asking a different question:
“What else has OCD been convincing me I can’t do?”
That’s where confidence starts to return.
Cold exposure safety (quick note)
Cold exposure isn’t for everyone. If you have health conditions (especially heart/blood pressure issues) or you’re unsure, speak to a medical professional first. Start gently, never push through warning signs, and don’t do intense exposure alone.
Bringing it back to OCD: your “discomfort ladder”
In OCD recovery, you can apply this in a structured way by creating an exposure ladder (sometimes called a hierarchy).
That just means:
- listing the situations you avoid,
- ranking them from easier to harder,
- and gently working your way up.
Not perfectly. Not constantly. Not in a punishing way.
But consistently enough to teach the brain: we don’t need to run this life anymore.
The real goal: a bigger life, not a calmer one
Of course you want relief. Anyone would.
But the deeper goal isn’t “never feel anxious again.”
The deeper goal is:
- You can feel anxiety and still live.
- You can have intrusive thoughts and still choose your next move.
- You can have uncertainty and still take action.
That’s the long game.
And it’s where freedom sits.
Want help applying this step-by-step?
If you’re struggling with OCD and anxiety and you want support applying these principles in a structured way, I run a 12-week programme based on my own experience and the work I’ve done with hundreds of clients.
You can apply at robertjamescoaching.com (link in the show notes) and book a discovery call.
Many thanks,
Robert
